Heroes and Villains

Sometimes the smallest interaction with someone can linger for a really long time…

My in-laws and nieces and nephews live in Brooklyn. We try to spend as much time with them as we can. Between us we have six children; my three boys and their two daughters and a son. There is an 8 year span between the youngest cousin and the oldest, and while this could prove to be  an unsuccessful range, for us, it has always been a really wonderful mash-up. There is a special relationship that cousins have – not quite the intense heat that siblings can create, yet not the casual “I get to go home at the end of the day” feeling of friendships. It’s a funny grey area that in some families doesn’t quite work. In ours, I am amazed that after moving through toddlerhood and into their teens, they still run to greet each other with an excitement and love that makes my heart swell. Every time.

We were visiting once when my sons were around one, four and  five years of age. As one does in Brooklyn and NYC, we were going for a walk in the neighborhood. Near their  house is one of the 826 National Chapters. If you are unfamiliar, 826 National is a non-profit organization that funds tutoring and writing centers in eight american cities. Not only are these Chapters writing and tutoring centers, but they also operate themed storefronts to generate revenue for the tutoring centers. San Francisco’s storefront is The Pirate Supply Store, Boston’s The Greater Boston Bigfoot Research Institute, Brooklyn’s is the Superhero Supply Store. (You can read all about Dave Eggers and how this project got started here).

We were a big unwieldy group. The one year old was in a stroller, and if I remember correctly, it was cold, so as we entered the Superhero Supply Store  jackets went flying as the kids eagerly went to check out all of the supplies and try on capes (there is a special platform where industrial fans blow on you as try on capes – pretty cool:-) After being in the store for what felt like  f o r e v e r , and purchasing a few trinkets, we made our way back to their house. A little later on as I was unpacking the stroller from the outing, I found a large super ball in the bottom of the stroller that looked suspiciously like the one my 4 year old had asked if he could have in the store that I had said no to since we we had already decided on our purchases. My suspicions were correct. After firmly explaining that we can’t just take things from  stores without paying, even if we want them, I told him that we would have to go back the next day to return it.

The next day, the two of us arrived at the store shortly after it opened. There weren’t many people inside yet, but I approached a hip bespectacled young woman who appeared to be patrolling the store in an Official Way. My son was holding my hand and shyly hiding behind me.  Admittedly, I too was a little nervous. You can never be sure how appropriate someone’s reaction will be. I asked him to explain why we were there, but he was silent, so I explained why we had come.

This lovely young woman, who was clearly too young to have children of her own, responded in exactly the perfect way…

She looked him right in the eye, and firmly, but kindly said, “Well, we normally think of people who take things without paying as villains, but since you are returning it and doing the right thing, that makes you a superhero.”  I asked him if he understood, and made him apologize for taking the ball, and thank her for talking to us. I remember my heart swelling with gratitude as we walked out. He was four after all, and (if I say so myself) a particularly adorable four year old – too young to be headed for a life of crime, yet (in my mind) the perfect age to learn an important lesson. It would have been very easy for her to laugh it off, or say, “that’s ok don’t worry about it,” but instead, she took him, and the situation, seriously and responded in the exact way that I would have wanted her too – letting him know that what he did wasn’t right without undue shame or embarrassment. She didn’t pander to him or dismiss him because he was four. Instead she was respectful, firm, and fair.

I have thought of this young woman, and this exchange often over the years (my son is now 12!). I intended for years to call the store to thank her for her perfection, or write a note to the store manager complimenting her, but in my haze of mothering and life, I never got to it. This woman is now old enough to have children of her own. I hope that she made that choice, or that life gave her the gift of children, because I’m sure that if children are a part of her life, she is rocking it out. I only wish that if she’s having one of those days (that all mother’s have) where she yells, or is tired, or overwhelmed, or just feels like she isn’t doing it right, that I could tell her how much her response meant to me and remind her…

Her instincts are good.

Take a deep in-breath…

I am behind in my blogging because the only thing I’ve been able to think to write about is my stress level, which I think would be of very little interest to anyone, myself included. After much deliberation, I finally realized I should write about the other end of the spectrum, and take some of my own advice.

I’ve been doing guided meditations with my students. Mostly for fun, sometimes to get them to lose their extra energy (with third grade, this can be a challenge), sometimes to promote positive thinking. This is a meditation I adapted for them the other day, from the fabulous book, Spinning Inward by Maureen Murdock:

Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breath. Take long slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each exhalation your body becomes more and more relaxed. Now imagine that a beautiful waterfall of white light is entering the top of your head. You feel it’s gentle healing energy throughout your brain and pouring over your face, your chin and your neck. The waterfall of white light now continues to move into your chest and shoulders and back. It moves down your arms and hands and out through your fingertips, taking with it any stress that you have held in your body. The white light continues to flow into your chest and stomach, into your thighs knees and calves. Now it enters you ankles and feet and goes out through your toes, taking with it any stress or discomfort that you have stored in your body. Now you are in a continuous waterfall of white light.Every part of your being is filled with white light. Allow this energy to wash over your, and enjoy the gentle calm it brings. Continue to see this on your own (pause for 1 minute). You did a great job,. Slowly open your eyes and bring yourself back to consciousness when you are ready.

Here are some of the comments from my students after doing this exercise:

“There was a color that I can’t name because I haven’t seen it before, but the light going in was sort of light purple. It came zooming out of my eyes and whole body.”

“The light was bluish coming in, and brownish red coming out. It was negative energy coming out.”

“It felt like water was rushing against my legs. The light was yellowish going in and dark blue coming out. I felt relaxed.”

“It was a nice day and the sun was beaming down on me. My body was in the light water. It made me feel relaxed. I was thinking about the math test and I was thinking,”I can do it!” It made me feel better.” (This student had walked in first thing in the morning worried about the math test in the middle of the day).

I could see my head and body glowing. White fire was coming off of me and a white rainbow was going in. I felt relaxed, and like I was going to do really good on the math test.”

White light was like a river near me.  There was a dock. Waves of white light were splashing on us. Energy was washed out. It came out of my fingers.”

Out of the mouths of babes.

I am trying to remember to breathe deeply when things get overwhelming. I am trying to make a commitment to myself – at least 5 minutes a day of deliberate focus on breath, either in stillness, or accompanied by gentle stretching. I’ll let you know how it’s going (one would think that 5 minutes a day shouldn’t be that a much of a commitment. You’d be surprised).

If you can borrow a kid or two (or an adult!) try reading this to them slowly in a calm and serene voice. You may be surprised by the results! (I know I am – every time…)

Please let me know if you try it!