Sometimes the smallest interaction with someone can linger for a really long time…
My in-laws and nieces and nephews live in Brooklyn. We try to spend as much time with them as we can. Between us we have six children; my three boys and their two daughters and a son. There is an 8 year span between the youngest cousin and the oldest, and while this could prove to be an unsuccessful range, for us, it has always been a really wonderful mash-up. There is a special relationship that cousins have – not quite the intense heat that siblings can create, yet not the casual “I get to go home at the end of the day” feeling of friendships. It’s a funny grey area that in some families doesn’t quite work. In ours, I am amazed that after moving through toddlerhood and into their teens, they still run to greet each other with an excitement and love that makes my heart swell. Every time.
We were visiting once when my sons were around one, four and five years of age. As one does in Brooklyn and NYC, we were going for a walk in the neighborhood. Near their house is one of the 826 National Chapters. If you are unfamiliar, 826 National is a non-profit organization that funds tutoring and writing centers in eight american cities. Not only are these Chapters writing and tutoring centers, but they also operate themed storefronts to generate revenue for the tutoring centers. San Francisco’s storefront is The Pirate Supply Store, Boston’s The Greater Boston Bigfoot Research Institute, Brooklyn’s is the Superhero Supply Store. (You can read all about Dave Eggers and how this project got started here).
We were a big unwieldy group. The one year old was in a stroller, and if I remember correctly, it was cold, so as we entered the Superhero Supply Store jackets went flying as the kids eagerly went to check out all of the supplies and try on capes (there is a special platform where industrial fans blow on you as try on capes – pretty cool:-) After being in the store for what felt like f o r e v e r , and purchasing a few trinkets, we made our way back to their house. A little later on as I was unpacking the stroller from the outing, I found a large super ball in the bottom of the stroller that looked suspiciously like the one my 4 year old had asked if he could have in the store that I had said no to since we we had already decided on our purchases. My suspicions were correct. After firmly explaining that we can’t just take things from stores without paying, even if we want them, I told him that we would have to go back the next day to return it.
The next day, the two of us arrived at the store shortly after it opened. There weren’t many people inside yet, but I approached a hip bespectacled young woman who appeared to be patrolling the store in an Official Way. My son was holding my hand and shyly hiding behind me. Admittedly, I too was a little nervous. You can never be sure how appropriate someone’s reaction will be. I asked him to explain why we were there, but he was silent, so I explained why we had come.
This lovely young woman, who was clearly too young to have children of her own, responded in exactly the perfect way…
She looked him right in the eye, and firmly, but kindly said, “Well, we normally think of people who take things without paying as villains, but since you are returning it and doing the right thing, that makes you a superhero.” I asked him if he understood, and made him apologize for taking the ball, and thank her for talking to us. I remember my heart swelling with gratitude as we walked out. He was four after all, and (if I say so myself) a particularly adorable four year old – too young to be headed for a life of crime, yet (in my mind) the perfect age to learn an important lesson. It would have been very easy for her to laugh it off, or say, “that’s ok don’t worry about it,” but instead, she took him, and the situation, seriously and responded in the exact way that I would have wanted her too – letting him know that what he did wasn’t right without undue shame or embarrassment. She didn’t pander to him or dismiss him because he was four. Instead she was respectful, firm, and fair.
I have thought of this young woman, and this exchange often over the years (my son is now 12!). I intended for years to call the store to thank her for her perfection, or write a note to the store manager complimenting her, but in my haze of mothering and life, I never got to it. This woman is now old enough to have children of her own. I hope that she made that choice, or that life gave her the gift of children, because I’m sure that if children are a part of her life, she is rocking it out. I only wish that if she’s having one of those days (that all mother’s have) where she yells, or is tired, or overwhelmed, or just feels like she isn’t doing it right, that I could tell her how much her response meant to me and remind her…
Her instincts are good.